"Adulting" Skills for College: Self-Advocacy

"Adulting" commonly refers to skills and behaviors that young people develop in preparation for independent living. Parents play a vital role in helping teens build these skills gradually in preparation for college.

In the "Adulting Skills for College" series, each post will focus on one essential skill area.

Self-Advocacy

Scheduling courses.

Making appointments with professors, advisors, and tutors.

Resolving roommate conflicts.

Navigating emails, portals, and forms.

Pursuing study abroad, research, internships, and co-ops.

College life creates countless situations for students to speak up, ask questions, and take initiative.

It's natural for parents to want to help, especially when their teens are struggling. In college however, students are considered adults, and most communication flows directly between the student and the institution. That's why it's helpful to nurture self-advocacy skills well before move-in day. Here are a few ways to get started:

Model assertive communication

Let your teen observe how you respectfully express needs, ask questions, or resolve conflicts. They notice how you handle difficult or uncomfortable situations.

Encourage independent interactions

Let teens take the lead when talking to health care providers, bank tellers, grocery clerks, college admissions reps, and other adults in the community. Encourage them to express concerns directly with teachers, employers, coaches, and peers. Invite their input on family matters like budgeting, meals, curfew, and vacations. If they look to you to speak on their behalf, gently encourage them to take the initiative. See my post "Adulting Skills for College: Communication" for additional tips.

Talk about asking for help

Some teens avoid asking for help- even when they truly need it. Others might rely too much on adults for quick solutions. Talk with them about how they view seeking support, and work together to find a balanced approach.

Promote healthy boundaries

Understanding personal rights, developing self-worth, and learning to say "no" are lifelong skills. Regular conversations about boundaries help teens build assertiveness and clarity.

Plan and practice together

Talk through scenarios as they arise and help your teen brainstorm resources and solutions. Let them take the lead while you offer guidance as they rehearse ways to implement their ideas.

Let teens take ownership of outcomes

Yes, it's hard to watch teens face setbacks, but growth often arises from those difficult moments. When they succeed and when they stumble, your support from the sidelines helps them build resilience, independence, and pride in their own accomplishments.

Final thought:

Self-advocacy is one of the most empowering skills teens can take with them to college. While it can be tempting to smooth the path for them, real development happens when they learn to navigate challenges themselves. By stepping back with intention and offering support in the right moments, parents can help teens build the courage and confidence to speak up, reach out, overcome obstacles, and thrive in college and beyond.

At Growing2College, we support families in all aspects of high school and college planning. Request a free 20-min consultation to learn more about how we can be helpful.

Kate Pedigo, M.Ed. NCC is an Independent Educational Consultant and founder of Growing2College. Join us on social media for college planning updates, tips, and resources: Facebook   Instagram   LinkedIn